Sweet Freedom

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want my life to look like this time next year. The end of the year always brings about some level of introspection for me. I like to look at where I was this time last year and check in. I like to make sure I'm doing the things I said I would do, and showing up for the world in the way I want to be. I look back on 2018, and I can't lie...it's been a tough one. But, I also look back and think "Holy shit, I've grown so much this year!". It's all about how you look at it I suppose. I wanted to live in a place that brought me joy. I wanted to feel safe and loved in my marriage. I wanted to be a better mother, or at least feel like a better mother.

I used to write my goals based off things I wanted to do, accomplishments I could check off an imaginary list in my head of cool shit I could say I did. Run a marathon? Check. Skydive? Check. Get promoted and make more money? Check. I was always working towards something, rushing off to the next job or cool thing to do. I viewed the accomplishment itself as the goal. I put my head down and worked. Then, one day, I looked up and realized I actually didn't care about all of that stuff at all. I had all of these accomplishments to add to my list, but still felt like I was missing out on something. I screeched to a halt and sat frozen in choice. What did I want to do next? After all, that's what you do right? Get more, want more, earn more? That seemed like the way to go.

I looked around and realized I could die any day. What good is that "hustle" and "grind" mentality if life could be taken from me at any moment? Wouldn't it be better to bring those things into the now? Maybe the real goal was the process of getting to these accomplishments. That's where you learn all the cool shit anyway, not when you actually get there. This clicked with me. I want to enjoy my life every day, not just when I finally accomplish something.

Here's where freedom comes in. When I used to write my ten year vision and set my 1 year goals, the common thread interwoven into all of it was freedom. I wanted it. However I could get it; financial, health, body, mind, all of it. Every time I think about my values, the word "FREEDOM" screams at me from inside my head. It's like a bad tv theme song, stuck there on loop. I feel most powerful when I'm feeling free. Sometimes that means outside in nature feeling the scale and size of the Earth around me. Other times, it means ease; things flowing; even tough things. Either way, I like to bring freedom into everything I have.

I've chosen to move into 2019 weaving freedom into every single day, even if it's something tiny. I want to get my hands in the garden, get dirt in my fingernails. I want to get to a place in my marriage that we each feel free, but intertwined, supported and supportive. I want to travel with my daughter and create memories on the road. I want to write and share what's going on in my head with all of you.

I am hereby removing anything that keeps me from this. Goodbye manicures. See ya later rigid schedules and timelines in my life. Get the f out of here punishing diets and workouts (let's be honest, those left a little while ago anyway).

Get your goals into today. Live them now.